Jaguar Tales

I had bought a 1990 Jaguar XJS with a 5.3 litre V12 engine for cash behind a strip club and now had 120 miles to drive in an unknown car. Apart from yearly trips to the local MOT station the car had been standing for over a decade.  In 11 years only 400 miles had been added to the odometer.  We stopped at the first petrol station to check oil, air, petrol and water.  Remarkably, the oil was pristine, the coolant was clean and full and the tyres had air.  I added some fuel injector cleaner to the petrol and set off. The car smelt and sounded awful:  Petrol fumes mixed with the smell of wet carpets and mould, the exhaust was blowing everywhere, the engine was definitely not running on all cylinders, there was an almighty clanking from the front suspension every time we hit a bump and a knocking from the rear on all but the gentlest acceleration.  I put a brave face on, but I felt as though I had made a big mistake. It was raining and we were on the M6 ...

The Jaguar XJS has been on the cusp of classicdom for years.  Classic car pundits have been speculating that it is the next big thing for longer than I care to remember, but the reality of rusty British Leyland era bodywork and massively complex mechanical and electrical systems seem to have always suppressed prices. Naturally, just as I have come round to the idea of finding a Jaguar XJS, prices for good examples have been climbing steadily out of my budget range...so the hunt began for a suitable project vehicle.  As we all know, Ebay holds an ever revolving repository of cars better suited to the junkyard than cruising intercontinental highways, but I was convinced there was a car out there waiting for me.  The problem was that money burning a hole in my pocket, urging me on, like a little devil on my left shoulder.  The little angel on the right shoulder knew this whole escapade was a bad idea, but then a promising advertisement appeared:  A 1990 ...

It started with a conversation about rallying historic cars and ended with cash changing hands behind a strip club in the West Midlands. For some months my good friend and navigator, Graham, and I had been trying to find an affordable but challenging form of historic car rallying.  In this search we came across a European car rally called Monte Carlo or Bust.  It looked like a lot of fun driving across Europe, raising money for your chosen charity, and ending in Monte Carlo where you had the option of seeing your car crushed!  The only entry criteria was that the car should cost less than £500 (and by the way, there is no technical backup on the trip for your banger).  With this in the back of my mind, I took to Ebay and lo and behold, an advertisement jumped out at me:  An early 2000s Jaguar saloon that had reached the dizzying heights of £200 with just a few hours left of the auction.  Not only that, but I recognised the house in the background o...